Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Where Will Peyton Manning Play Next Year? *Guest Contribution*

Where should I go?

Since the news is now official on Peyton not being a Colt next year, we thought it only appropriate that we revisit an old but still great post from our Crew Contributor Coop DeVille on that topic.  

Enjoy this story written back on January 12.

“Where does he go George?? Where does he go, where does he go??”

Before you continue with the article, get your Ipad machine out and download, “Bring in the Clowns.” Then, get out your auctioneers gavel and put on your Ring Masters attire for what is set to be an exciting adventure. Press play……NOW!! “Hurry, hurry, hurry!!” (Doot doot doodle doodle doot doot doo doo) The Andrew Luck sweepstakes has begun. “Can I get a First Pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, 1st pick, 1st pick, 1st pick, do I see the Colts, can I see the Colts, THERE are the Colts. Do I see a 2nd, do I see a 2nd, do I see the Rams, can I see the Rams, I still have the Colts, is someone trading up, is someone trading up, I have the Colts, going once, going twice, SOLD to the Indianapolis Colts for the cost of the franchises ENTIRE FUTURE!!”

Now that we have that out of the way, I see a polarizing figure standing in the back of the room, arms crossed, neck brace a wee bit too tight, but his brain runs amuck with thoughts of one more title outside of The Circle City. That my friends is Mr. Sony, Sprint, MasterCard, Oreo, Gatorade himself, Peyton Manning. I don’t care what anyone says, Peyton is not going to play second fiddle to a kid, and the kid is not going to sit on the bench for 3 years. So where does one #18 go?? I thought of 5 teams who’s quarterback situation is as much in shambles as the Republican parties entrants for the 2012 Presidential election. Just to clarify to current Colts fans. Indianapolis did NOT make this list. He’s gone everyone. Accept it!!

Washington Redskins

There’s news around the Broadway circuit that “The Wizard of Oz” is getting an overhaul for a brand new production. It will have your basic cast of characters. Dorothy, Toto, Dan Snyder, the Tin Man, the Lion, etc. Did you catch that?? Or course you did. Just like the rest of the sports world. I don’t know how many people have ever had a brain hemorrhage solely because they were thinking, but Mr. Snyder might be one to expunge that theory. Has this guy done anything right?? The Redskins do a fabulous job of getting players who are already washed up and turning them into next weeks BP Gas Station Night Manager. (I have no remorse for saying that. Your gas prices are high and steep. You’re breakfast sandwiches are also small and lack a definitive flavor.) So how would this change for Mr. Manning?? That’s kind of the reason I want this deal to happen. Can the future Hall of Famer resurrect a franchise that used to be top notch??

Now I’m sure that the competition would be fierce at Training Camp. John Beck, Rex Grossman and PEYTON MANNING. I personally think that myself and my Scotts Lawn Care guy could evoke a better scenario. Contrary to believe, the Redskins do have some talent on the offensive side of the ball. Their defense is really not all that bad, but when you’re on the field for 59 minutes, you tend to wear down a wee tad. At the end of the day, the biggest challenge for Peyton would probably be the fight between him and WR Terrance Austin for the coveted #18 jersey. I can see that conversation now. “Hey kid, you want the ball?? Here’s a nickel. Give me your jersey.”

Miami Dolphins

This only works if Jeff Fisher goes to St. Louis. That way, Peyton can still stick it to the 70’s Adult Film star look-a-like. I actually think #18 might enjoy this hotspot the best. LeBron and Wade would be forced to share the limelight and that would just be funny. There would always be the possibility that he could cross paths with newly appointed Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen. That’s a You Tube video waiting to happen. You have an absolute stud in Brandon Marshall to haul in the long ball and stretch the field. You also have a rejuvenated Reggie Kardashian, wait, Reggie Heisman, NO, Reggie Bush, there it is. The AFC East is also a division in which Peyton could pay homage to a few of his favorite people twice a year. I’m sure that the Ryan family would send out Christmas invitations to the Manning residence for a nice holiday meal. The Belichick’s would probably invite him to the beach house up in the Hampton’s for crumpets and tea. And I’m sure that he and Mr. Brady would have a lot of late night sleepovers and hours of fun playing skee-ball at the local arcade. That would leave Buffalo. (Cue the cricket sound) Maybe he likes chicken wings?? It’s the closest city to Indy in the division?? Anywho, it may take a while to find a viable reason to actually want to go to Buffalo, but the Commish mandates it when he releases the schedule, so we’ll stick to that excuse for now.

Peyton as a Dolphin. Let’s look at it like this. Since Ace Ventura Pet Detective star Dan Marino exited stage left, who has filled the role?? This thinking exercise is like picking apart the Owl Pellets as a youngster in science class. Difficult and nauseating. How would Dan feel though?? Lose your 27 year record in 2011, then have a quarterback win something that you couldn’t during your very fine career. Peyton is a guy that could do it!!

Dallas Cowboys

Hmmmmmmm….Big P in Big D?? Very similar to the Washington situation with the owners, but on the field, you have a whole heck of a lot more talent between the stripes. I’m not going to bash Tony Romo. There are a lot of people who currently do that on a Contingency basis and at college frat parties. Romo can play, he just doesn’t know how to win. Unfortunately in the NFL, you don’t win games based on style points. Ah shoot, who am I kidding. Tony Bologna is the poor man’s Brett Favre. Good, good, good, MAJOR BRAIN FART, decent, BRAIN VOMIT, bad. Now it’s out of my system. Seriously though, go up and down the Cowboys roster. It’s laced with a lot of talent. When healthy, they are a legitimate playoff contender. Notice what I said. PLAYOFF contender, not Super Bowl contender. It’s not a Super Bowl team with your stout QB depth chart of Romo, Stephen McGee and the pride of Northwest Missouri State Chris Greisen. The defense is very, very good. They just have a member of a circus side show running the operation on that side of the ball, but knowing Peyton, he’d probably end up being the DC as well. What’s better yet is that just like Peyton did with Jim Caldwell in Indy, he would turn off his helmet communicator and just politely wave to Jason Garrett.

I think the best thing of all is that it would bring the Manning’s together more than it ever has before. Just like an episode of Swiss Family Robinson, Olivia could whip up a nice meal for all of her boys when the Cowboys meet the Giants. They could reminisce about the days of old, share a few laughs, so on and so forth. Then Cooper could tuck everyone into bed and read them a lullaby to put them to sleep. “Dad, Peyton, Eli. This one is called, “My Life. Written by your son, Cooper Manning.” That would knock them out cold.

Minnesota Vikings

I was scouring the internet machine for some info on the Vikings quarterback situation and I found this. “Many scholarly studies of motion picture comedy have overlooked the Three Stooges entirely—and not without valid reasoning. Aesthetically, the Stooges violated every rule that constitutes "good" comedic style. Their characters lacked any emotional depth. They were not disciplined enough to sustain lengthy comic sequences; far too often, they were willing to suspend what little narrative structure their pictures possessed in order to insert a number of gratuitous jokes. Nearly every premise they have employed (spoofs of westerns, horror films, costume melodramas) has been done to better effect by other comedians. And yet, in spite of the overwhelming artistic odds against them, they were responsible for some of the finest comedies ever made. Their humor was the most unfiltered form of low comedy; they were not great innovators, but as quick laugh practitioners, they place second to none. If public taste is any criterion, the Stooges have been the reigning kings of comedy for over fifty years.” Wait a minute…3 Stooges?? How do Larry, Curley and Moe in any way resemble Christian Ponder, Joe Webb and Sage Rosenfels?? Ohhhhhhh, now I get it. But the Vikings already have a #18. Ohhhhhhh, now I get it. It’s every once in a blue moon that an entire state might actually regret the loss of one Tavaris Jackson. Maybe this time around, you can get a future Hall of Famer that isn’t 5 years past his window. Maybe this time, you can save some of the traveling budget and not have private jets and black SUV’s jolting around the entire country trying to play the role of “Brown Noser.” I like the Vikings squad, I really do. That last line was actually just a personal disclaimer. When I go to the land of 10,000 Lakes this upcoming winter to fish, I don’t “accidentally” want to get shot by one #69 if I find myself in a hunting zone.

Cleveland Browns

Do you know notice any hostility, trepidation, cynicism and anger in my writing?? Just in case you are not familiar with my background, I’m from Cleveland. Make sense?? I’m not going to be quirky with why I think Peyton Manning should go to the Browns. When writing this, I had one hope. Maybe before Free Agency, Randy Lerner, Mike Holmgren, Tom Heckert and Pat Shurmer will be huddled around the computer playing “Words With Friends” and come across this article. I have your whole 2012 Off Season scheduled out, so read carefully and follow this step by step. 1. Sign Peyton Manning to a 2-year contract with a 3rd year option. 2. Combine Seneca Wallace and Peyton Hillis in a package and trade them for draft picks and cash. 3. Take Trent Richardson with the 4th pick in the draft and Alshon Jeffrey or Michael Floyd with the 22nd pick. 4. Keep Colt McCoy and sit him so he finally gets the tutelage that he needs from a veteran. 5. GET RID OF THAT FRIGGIN’ SOCCER TEAM ASTON VILLA. YOU’RE A FOOTBALL OWNER. AMERICAN FOOTBALL OWNER!! SPEND MONEY ON THE AMERICAN TEAM DANGIT!! I’m not kidding when I say this. If I had known back in 1999 that the fans of Cleveland would have to fight through 13 years of futility and still not have a gleam of hope looking forward, there would have been a call to arms. I would have started a petition letting the Lerners know that we’ll live without a football team here in Cleveland until you gentlemen get it right. We love our Browns here in Cleveland, but my goodness has it been painful for this stretch since they infamously came back after a 3 year hiatus. Everyone can dream though right?? The problem with dreaming when you’re from the city on the lake, is that it’s quickly shattered or it’s just an outright nightmare.

Coop DeVille
Follow Him On Twitter @CoopLFL360
Follow Him On Facebook @CoopDeVilleSports


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. ha ha. where did you find this guy. thats funny shit

  3. I liked it so much, I had to share it with my audience...


  5. Can the bears get in on this

  6. cassel is crap. they should let him change the name to peyton manning chiefs. we'll keep arrowhead warm for you

  7. If Peyton actually wants to win a championship next year, he should go to Houston. Best (healthy) running back in the league, an elite receiver and an amazing Defense. Think of how many rings Peyton would have by now if he would have had a defense and a running game in Indy.