Thursday, April 12, 2012

Playoffs? Wait...Really the NHL Playoffs Started Already?

"This is on CNBC?!?!?  I GOTTA PUNCH SOMEBODY!!!"

Nothing worse than showing up late to a party that has already started.  It is one of my least favorite things.  What about being fashionably late Ben?  For me that leads to being fashionably in a pissy mood the rest of the night.  Now this doesn't apply to all parties, but if it is a boozing it up party, it definitely applies.  You show up an hour after everyone else is a few drinks deep, you have two choices:

1) Start slamming drinks to try to catch up only to go flying by them like Usain Bolt and into overly drunk and making a scene.  Then wake up the next day to text and ask everyone else if they feel like shit as well, and they say, "nah man...we skipped the shots of tequila you were downing to try to 'catch up'."

2) Drink a normal pace, then setting yourself up to be behind everyone else.  Finally you are at their level of mild intoxication that you saw when you first got to the party just when they are then "stupid drunk" and taking that mild buzz you just caught and flushing it down the toilet.  You are then forced to go into "dad/mom mode" to keep the drunkards from starting the house on fire.  Leaving you spending the rest of the night pissed at your friends and being called "buzzkill" when in reality they are the "buzzkill" by never allowing you to get a good one on.

Both crappy choices, so take my advice and if you know the booze will be hit hard at a party, get there early and don't be the late guy either puking all over, or the guy catching other's puke later that night.

Same can be said about tuning into playoffs, whether they be NFL, MLB, NBA or NHL.  So that is why I am making sure to tune into the NHL Playoffs when they start.  

What's that?  They already started?  Son of a....

Wish I could have found this information out somewhere, but oh that's right, the NHL is about as popular as Polo (or add an "i" and Polio may have more sadistic people rooting for it's comeback than rooting for the NHL).  However unfair my mocking of the NHL maybe, the reality is, if you aren't die hard into the NHL, you very easily, like myself, may have gone weeks without even knowing the Playoffs started.  

Tune into watch the Playoffs on what?  What channel is the NHL Playoffs on?  We aren't talking about preseason NHL, we are talking the freaking Playoffs and I have no clue.  Worse than showing up to a party late, as I am now I guess with the NHL Playoffs, is once I am already late, getting lost and not knowing how to get to the party is even worse.


Ok so I see it is on NBC Sports Network, NHL Network, CBC and CNBC.  So you have a network that used to be Versus and almost nobody has on their cable package, the NHL Network that almost nobody has other than SUPER die hard hockey rubes,'s a Canadian sports channel and CNBC the same place I never tune into for political information or news. could an American sports fan that is only a casual hockey fan ever miss the NHL Playoffs?

It isn't good that it is much easier to watch a 14 year old episode of "Charmed" than it is to watch your leagues Playoffs.  Or that likely that rerun of a horrible show may actually get better ratings.

I LIKE THE NHL PLAYOFFS EVEN!  I know it's shocking with how little hockey I talk about, but I do actually like watching the NHL Playoffs.  I honestly am not sure that my absurdly too expensive Dish programming has a single channel that will actually be airing it.  I actually don't know if it does or not, because I, like 99% of the country, never watch, or likely get, any of those freaking loser channels.

Well, take this as your wake up call casual hockey fans, the Playoffs have started.  So head home, bust out your channel guide, the thing you used once the first day your cable/satellite got installed and check out if you are one of the privileged few that actually get to watch the NHL Playoffs on TV (MLS Playoffs are easier to find...what does that say?).  Start your search between Univision and that one channel that plays nothing but (zombie) Billy Mays paid advertisements.

Enjoy the Playoffs 1% of the nation!


  1. I think you'd appreciate hockey a little bit more if you took a check or could skate instead of playing tag in basketball or slapping around a neon ball on a clay court loser. Paul Rome is right, you are a tool.

  2. PR enthusiast and backer...I like it. I said I like hockey in the article, and I know I can't take a check or skate for that matter. Jussss saying me boy that the NHL needs to get it's collective shiat together if it wants anyone other than a pure hockey enthusiast to get into the sport.

    But with hockey elitist takes like your's there, maybe you hockey rubes don't want us casual fans involved. Good news! You have nothing to worry about when you have your PLAYOFFS aired on CNBC...

  3. [...] my brain over and isn’t allowing me to give a crap about the NBA Playoffs, NHL Playoffs (what channel are they on?), and of course the MLB regular season in which the Twins are pooping their way through.  So with [...]