Alright STOB'ers, Memorial Day weekend is here and before you go out and spend $30 per ticket on a movie this summer, take a good long look at this list. Yes, STOB has yet again Fo Sho'd and No Sho'd all the upcoming (some already out) movies of the summer. Ken, Derrick, guest contributor and movie genius Luke and I have reviewed all the biggest coming attractions and assigned them either a "Fo Sho" or "No Sho" rating. Now we obviously don't always agree, so be sure to read our analysis and if you start seeing a trend that you agree with one of us more often than the others, go with that guy's advice all the way through and you shouldn't be disappointed when you go to a movie and take out a second mortgage to buy that large popcorn and pop at the theatre.
So here it is, STOB's 2nd Annual Summer Movie Preview 2012!
First the ground rules.
How they’re ranked:
Fo Sho – The “Fo Sho” ranking means that we either will see this “Fo Sho” or we already saw that “Fo Sho”.
No Sho – The “No Sho” ranking means that we will not see this movie or did already and think you should be a “No Sho” to it cause it blew chunks.
Already Out but Notables – These movies are out already but are so notable we think you will want our opinion on them. As a blog though I guess we think you want our opinion on everything…right or wrong we’ll just keep spewing our opinion…so just read it.
Just About to be Released – These movies are about to be released soon so read fast or you will get your buzz killed by somebody giving you the end before you get to the theatre to see it. Nobody wants to be the guy at the theatre watching The Sixth Sense and already knowing that Bruce Willis is dead because his drunken buddy was blabbering away about it the day after it was released. So I’ll reiterate, read thoroughly but read fast.
Fall Is Comin’ – These movies are the last of the summer flicks to be released, fall is approaching and State Fairs are winding down. It’s the time that, when you were in middle school you’d get that sinking feeling that school was around the corner so you’d better cram as much summer fun into the last few weeks as possible.
Already Out But Notable -
May 4 -
IMDB Description - Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. brings together a team of super humans to form The Avengers to help save the Earth from Loki and his army.
Ben's Take - Some of you may remember from last year's list that I am not a fan of superhero movies. If you look up "superhero movie" in the dictionary, it likely wouldn't be there, but if it were, a picture of The Avengers would be there. No Sho.
Ken's Take - I just watched Captain America and thought that was pretty good. Not a huge fan of the other films though. However, this is the perfect example of a "Movie Theater" movie. For that, I give it a Fo Sho.
Derrick's Take - From what I heard, this movie sounds sweet. I like most super hero movies but as of late, they really haven’t been too entertaining. I’m excited to see another good one. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - The highest level of mindless popcorn munching cinema. Visually, it’s a blast. Whedon does a good job with the characters interacting, but the villain is unknown unless you are into Thor comics or mythology. As far as the plot goes, if you look a little deeper, you realize what the whole middle is building doesn’t make any sense considering the ending (ref- The Hulk). As superhero movies go, this is nowhere near the artistic level of The Dark Knight which was more drama than action, and I didn’t find it as entertaining as the first Iron Man, which had story, style and comic-book-cool (oxymoron?). The Avengers gets a Fo Sho, but it’s not deserving of the Rotten Tomatoes rating over 90 it carries. Is it perfect? Not at all. Is it cool? Absolutely.
May 11 -
IMDB Description - An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.
Ben's Take - Depp is getting very annoying. Just act as a normal person ONCE! OK, you did in The Tourist and it sucked monster balls so I guess keep doing what you're doing and I'll just never watch. No Sho.
Ken's Take - This is the J Dub movie right? If so, looks "Redbox funny"….don't try to steal that, it's mine. If you want to, please go to firstname.lastname@example.org on Paypal and donate a small fee. Thanks! Oh yeah, No Sho…except on Redbox.
Derrick's Take - I’m tired of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton teaming up for movies. If I want to see another Derton movie I’ll watch Edward Scissor Hands. No Sho.
Luke's Take - I don’t really like Tim Burton. Come to think of it, I only really like a handful of what Johnny Depp has done. I’m sure this has its moments, but I have no desire to see it. If you enjoy Depp/Burton’s previous tandem efforts (Edward Scissor Hands, Sleepy Hollow, Sweeney Todd etc), or if you liked the source material (I’d never heard of the TV show this was based on), you might like it. No Sho.
IMDB Description - The heroic story of a dictator who risks his life to ensure that democracy would never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed.
Ben's Take - I am expecting a whole lot of dumb in this and I've heard there is some serious frontal nudity by Baron Cohen. I don't need to see that and just like his publicity stunts, this will likely not be very funny either. No Sho.
Ken's Take - All Rise For Big Ken! NOW!!! Yeah, I'm talking to you, old lady in the back. There ya go. Show some respect, geez. What do you think this is? Na, enough of that. It looks funny. I give it a Fo Sho.
Derrick's Take - Blah Blah Blah, sounds like a movie about Barack Obama. No Sho.
Luke's Take - Depends on who you are. Sasha Baron Cohen’s previous movies are very witty - bordering on hilarious (albeit often staged). After Borat and Bruno, you know what you are getting into. Expect some staged scenes, highly vulgar scenes, and most likely some offensive scenes. If that doesn’t bother you, you’ll probably think this is quite funny. Don’t take the kids, easily offended stay away, everyone else – Fo Sho.
What to Expect When You're Expecting
IMDB Description - A look at love through the eyes of five interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn't always deliver what's expected.
Ben's Take - I expect to be expecting to have to see this with Mrs. Duke. So I might as well grin and bear it. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Hate kids. Well, don't hate, just never want to procreate….ha get it! Man I'm on a roll. Call me Cinnamon…you know, like the name of the last chick that told you she was expecting, just to get some money out of you. What the hell, Fo Sho.
Derrick's Take - I’m getting married soon, and sooner than later, the discussion of kids will be on our minds. Maybe this movie will sway us away from having kids, or give us the extra boost of excitement we need to start poppin out the little guys. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - I have a pregnant friend who related to this movie closely, she said she even cried. I’m pretty sure everyone else who has seen it has cried as well. Just not for the same reason. No Sho.
May 18 -
IMDB Description - A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.
Ben's Take - Game sucks, movie likely sucks. Bright side if you have to go, you get to watch Brooklyn Decker for a while, so while she is Fo Sho the movie itself is a No Sho.
Ken's Take - B 8…..No Sho
Derrick's Take - Anything movie with Rihanna trying to act is a No Sho. On top of that, this movie looks like a weakened version of Transformers. Just to see how much of a disaster this movie is, I’m gonna say Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - If you want to see explosions and action, go to the Avengers. If you have already seen the Avengers and find yourself watching Riggins from Friday Night Lights fighting aquatic alien transformers with Oscar Schindler and Rhianna – you might want to go back to the Avengers again to get the taste out of your mouth. No Sho.
Just About To Be Released -
May 25 -
Men in Black III
IMDB Description - Agent J travels in time to MIB's early years in the 1960s, to stop an alien from assassinating his friend Agent K and changing history.
Ben's Take - I think the first one was good, but that was a long ass time ago. I remember the second one sucked, I've heard this one will be better. I'll Netflix it. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Here come the men in black…..because they need attention. No Sho
Derrick's Take - Never saw the first two, so No Sho.
Luke's Take - I never saw the first 2. I guess I’ve seen most of the first one now if you piece together a dozen or so regretful cable sessions. These films do nothing for me. I do think that Josh Brolin is a dead ringer for the youthful Tommy Lee Jones and his voice (or whatever voice that is) is even more eerily dead on for TLJ. Overall reviews have been good. If you like MIB 1 and or 2, Fo Sho.
June 1 -
Rock of Ages
IMDB Description - Set in 1987 Los Angeles, Drew and Sherrie are two young people chasing their dreams in the big city. When they meet, it's love at first sight, though their romance will face a series of challenges.
Ben's Take - After watching the trailer, no chance! Once they broke into the battle singing of "We Built This City", I was fo sho that I was going to give it a No Sho.
Ken's Take - Yuck. No sho. I'd rather watch Richard Simmons' "sweatin to the oldies"
Derrick's Take - Saw the preview last night during a commercial break (Pacers vs Heat game) and it looked sweet! I have been obsessed with 80’s hair band music lately so this will be right up my alley. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - Rock of Ages, meh, it looks ok. Not my kind of thing at all. Interesting names attached, but I know I’m going to pass. No Sho.
Snow White and the Huntsman
IMDB Description - In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.
Ben's Take - Charlize Theron looks scary but fo sho in this. Not a huge fan of these types of films, with the swords and the horses and the Renaissance Fair dress up and the 5 hours long, but I may give it a shot. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Actually looks pretty decent. Will there be dwarfs? Could this be the start of the new Lolli Pop Guild? If there are no dwarfs, I'd still see it, but come on, that would be great. Fo Sho.
Derrick's Take - lol, Ken’s take is great. I have to agree, this is a Fo Sho movie. It’s one both the lady friend and I would be able to enjoy.
Luke's Take - Not ashamed to say I’m really looking forward to this. The chick from Twilight couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag, but Chris Hemsworth has won me over. He ruled as Thor and was great in Cabin in the Woods. I’m excited to see him beat more stuff up. Fo Sho.
June 8 -
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
IMDB Description - Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman are still fighting to get home to their beloved Big Apple. Their journey takes them through Europe where they find the perfect cover: a traveling circus, which they reinvent - Madagascar style.
Ben's Take - If you don't like the Madagascar penguins you are not American and you can geeeeeeeeeet out! Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Hate to say it, but man I love these movies. Fo Sho!!!
Derrick's Take - Other than Finding Nemo, How to Train a Dragon, and Toy Story, animated movies for me are a No Sho.
Luke's Take - Take your kids, take a book. No Sho.
IMDB Description - A team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.
Ben's Take - I feel like this type of movie comes out every 2 months and disappears into the oblivion of rental movies never to be heard from again. Why will this one be any different? Answer: it won't. No Sho.
Ken's Take - Boo! This will suck. No Sho.
Derrick's Take - This would be a good movie to rent and watch outside on the big screen but also has disaster written all over it. Can I say I dunno sho??
Luke's Take - Ridley Scott has stated that this was originally going to be a prequel to Alien. But now it’s just a movie taking place in the same fictional universe. This should be quite a spectacle and I like Michael Fassbender. Fo Sho.
June 15 -
That's My Boy
IMDB Description - While still in his teens, Donny (Adam Sandler) fathered a son, Todd (Andy Samberg), and raised him as a single parent up until Todd's 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd's world comes crashing down.
Ben's Take - I am a fan of Andy Samberg and like many I USED to be a fan of Adam Sandler. Can Samberg help bring back Sandler? Doubtful, but I'll be there to see just in case. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - That's my Sandler. This might be the best movie he has put out since Happy Gilmore. Oh, and he isn't dressed up like an ugly women….Fo Sho.
Derrick's Take - I hate Adam Sandler movies. I know, stone me now! No Sho
Luke's Take - Sandler movies are getting to the point where they should just take the final cut right over to TBS and ask them to squeeze it in after Men at Work. No Sho.
Jack the Giant Killer
IMDB Description - A modern-day fairy tale in which the long-standing peace between men and giants is threatened, as a young farmer leads an expedition into the giants' kingdom in hopes of rescuing a kidnapped princess.
Ben's Take - Looks kind of cool, but suffers the same issues I have with Snow White, only this one doesn't have Charlize Theron nude in a bath of some type of milk like substance....but I can only take renaissance fair dress up once a year. No Sho.
Ken's Take - Never heard of it. No Sho.
Derrick's Take - Anything with a Giant is a Fo Sho movie! Hopefully this movie has a little fairytail creepiness to it.
Luke's Take - What is this? I’d never heard of this till right now. Hang on… huh, might be ok…I Dunno Sho.
June 22 -
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
IMDB Description - Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, discovers vampires are planning to take over the United States. He makes it his mission to eliminate them.
Ben's Take - I almost stopped the preview at the :27 second mark and gave this a No Sho, but I decided to give it a chance. Glad I did, even with Tim Burton involved it looks pretty non Burton-ey and so I maybe able to stand it. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - I will see this. I think. Maybe…Fo (no?) Sho?!?
Derrick's Take - I will def go see this one with my father who loves presidential/political movies. This is a Fo sho and I will be interested to see how deep they dive into Lincoln’s personal life.
Luke's Take - I guess the book is popular. I never really cared for vamp movies and they are popping up like weeds these days. Interesting premise for an action fairy tale but the trailer erased my initial intrigue. No Sho.
IMDB Description - Determined to make her own path in life, Princess Merida defies a custom that brings chaos to her kingdom. Granted one wish, Merida must rely on her bravery and her archery skills to undo a beastly curse.
Ben's Take - Not made for my "demo" so No Sho.
Ken's Take - No Chance in Hell. FO SHO!!!! Na, No Sho!
Derrick's Take - I know I said I do not animated films, but…… my fiance’ does. That means, I do as well……. We will see this one, it looks cute and at least appears to have some action in it. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - Take the kids, take a magazine. But – I think the parents might actually like some of this one too. Fo Sho.
June 29 -
IMDB Description - A story centered on a man and his teddy bear, who comes to life as the result of a childhood wish.
Ben's Take - I like, don't love, Family Guy, but this looks pretty funny. Amazed they got Mark Walberg to do it. Just hope they didn't use all the funnies up in the trailer. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - This got pushed up to where GI Joe was going to be. Great call. This movie looks awesome. Who doesn't want a bear like Ted? I friggin love that guy. Oh, and he kicks Marky Mark's ass in the preview. Even better. Yeah for Ted! Fo Sho!
Derrick's Take - KFAN was talking about this a few weeks back and it sounded pretty interesting. I’ll give it a try. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - This got bumped up to take Gi Joe 2’s vacated spot. So either the studio believes in it, or they had nothing else to release here. It could go either way, but I smell some big flop potential. No Sho.
July 3 -
The Amazing Spider-Man
IMDB Description - Peter Parker finds a clue that might help him understand why his parents disappeared when he was young. His path puts him on a collision course with Dr. Curt Connors, his father's former partner.
Ben's Take - Good god, how many freaking super hero movies do we need?!?!?! Emma Stone has gone from cute and a draw to a movie, to annoying. Learn how say s's Emma. No Sho!
Ken's Take - Go get stuck in a web and never get out…man I hate these movies. No Sho.
Derrick's Take - I liked the first Spider Man, the second was dokay, and the third I would rather be dead than watch again. I’m guessing this will not be too entertaining of a movie. No Sho.
Luke's Take - Fo Sho. The character of Spider-Man, more than other supers works well in the movies. While the previous franchise got quite preposterous in the second and third installment, the first movie was a huge hit, and enjoyable for everyone. I’m not expecting this one to be as good, simply because of the law of diminishing returns. We’ve seen bug boy 3 times in the last decade already. It’s like when a contestant in the slam dunk contest tries something really creative and cool, but misses his first 3 tries. By the fourth try, we aren’t jumping up and down anymore because we know what’s coming. I’m trying not to watch the previews for this one, but from what I can gather, it’s looking a little darker than the last 3. Combining that with the fact that 2 lead actors I really don’t like (Toby Maguire and Kirsten Dunst) are being replaced, I think this will be a Fo Sho.
July 13 -
Ice Age: Continental Drift
IMDB Description - Manny, Diego, and Sid embark upon another adventure after their continent is set adrift. Using an iceberg as a ship, they encounter sea creatures and battle pirates as they explore a new world.
Ben's Take - Hmm...I don't want to be preached about global (bs) warming. No Sho.
Ken's Take - Might get a couple laughs…So I'll spend a buck at redbox…No Sho.
Derrick's Take - Animated, No Sho.
Luke's Take - Take your kids, take your sudoku.
July 20 -
The Dark Knight Rises
IMDB Description - Eight years after Batman took the fall for Two Face's crimes, a new terrorist leader, Bane, overwhelms Gotham's finest, and the Dark Knight resurfaces to protect a city that has branded him an enemy.
Ben's Take - Shocked...another super hero movie. Never saw the first Dark Knight but I heard that the way to beat the Joker was to give him a bunch of painkillers and an apartment in Manhattan. Too soon? No Sho.
Ken's Take - Hmm, why do I hate spiderman, but like batman? Anyone? Please, I need to know! Fo Sho!
Derrick's Take - Fo Sho, Fo Sho, Fo Sho. This is the one movie out of all of these that I will pay money for and watch in the theatre. Loved the first Dark Night movie and can’t wait to see this one. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - Tom Hardy kicks butt. If you don’t believe me, or don’t know who that is, watch Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy and Warrior. I’m avoiding trailers for this movie so I can see it for the first time when I go. I expect it to be good, but it’s hard to live up to the Dark Knight. Ann Hathaway going from Princess Diaries to Cat Women? Hines Ward outrunning a collapsing football field on a kick return? There is some eye roll potential here for sure, but I’m expecting quality overall. Fo Sho.
July 27 -
Here Comes the Boom
IMDB Description - A high school biology teacher moonlights as a mixed-martial arts fighter in an effort to raise money to save the school's music program.
Ben's Take - Here comes the No Sho. Kevin James should stick to being the King of Queens, loved that show.
Ken's Take - L. A. M. E. No Sho!
Derrick's Take - A movie version of Glee. Glee is already tough enough to watch so No Sho.
Luke's Take - What is this? Hang on… ohhhhhhhhhh no, no, no, no, no… No thank you, No Sho.
Fall Is Comin' -
August 3 -
The Bourne Legacy
IMDB Description - Centered on a new CIA operative in the universe based on Robert Ludlum's novels.
Ben's Take - Jeremy Renner>Matt Damon. Jeremy Renner and Edward Norton are two of my favorite actors. This is my fo sho-iest of Fo Sho movies this summer.
Ken's Take - Haven't seen a single one of these….No Sho
Derrick's Take - Haven't seen a single one of these….No Sho
Luke's Take - Watched the first trailer. Holy wow. This looks awesome. Jeremy Renner as Matt Damon’s successor works very well. Can’t wait – Fo Sho.
IMDB Description - As the nation states Euromerica and New Shanghai vie for supremacy, a factory worker begins to suspect that he's a spy, though he is unaware which side of the fight he's on.
Ben's Take - Is this a movie about Toyata? No Sho.
Ken's Take - Yuck…give me something good here…No Sho.
Derrick's Take - No Sho. That’s it. Doesn’t sound like something I would like.
Luke's Take - I like Colin Farrell. I’ve never seen the Arnold original but I’m expecting this one to be good. Fo Sho.
August 10 -
IMDB Description - Two rival North Carolina politicians with presidential aspirations tangle with one another.
Ben's Take - Two guys in Farrell and Galifinakis that I laugh at when they are just standing there. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Hahahahaha. Already laughing because this will be awesome. Who doesn't love these two guys? I will own this movie. And call your mom over to watch it with me…twice. Fo Sho!
Derrick's Take - This sounds hilarious and will hopefully make fun of how dumb politicians actually are. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - Zak Galifinakis and Will Farrell, both running for the same political office. In a summer void of much comedy, this might be just what the doctor ordered. Fo Sho.
August 17 -
The Expendables 2
IMDB Description - Mr. Church reunites the Expendables for what should be an easy paycheck, but when one of their men is murdered on the job, their quest for revenge puts them deep in enemy territory and up against an unexpected threat.
Ben's Take - A sign the recession isn't too bad is that people have enough "expendable" income to go see shit like this...TWICE! No Sho.
Ken's Take - There was a 1? No Sho.
Derrick's Take - Similar to Ken, I am unaware of the first Expendables. So to keep up with my trend of not watching the second movie if I hadn’t seen the prequel, No Sho.
Luke's Take - The first one was instantly forgettable and horrible on too many levels to count. Uniting all these names should be awesome right? Right, that’s what Pat Reilly said too. No Sho.
IMDB Description - A misunderstood boy who can speak with the dead, takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse.
Ben's Take - Hadn't heard of it, but the trailer convinced me. Looks like a cool new type of animation and could be pretty darn good. Fo Sho.
Ken's Take - Is this like the 4th Paranormal Activity…or? No Sho.
Derrick's Take - I see dead people. Here is another movie I will at least rent and give a shot. I tend to like the horror thriller type movies. Fo Sho.
Luke's Take - Take the kids, take some Advil. No Sho.
Go forth STOB'ers with the knowledge you have gained and save yourself from seeing a crappy movie this summer!
You're welcome! - STOB Crew