Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Sixth Sense NBA Playoffs: Everyone but the Heat have been dead the entire time...

I see the Heat winning...cause these glasses are big enough to see in the future and dead people.

How many times have you re-watched the movie “The Sixth Sense”?

Before you answer, consider that it doesn’t count if you watched it on a Saturday afternoon on TBS because nothing else is on TV on a Saturday afternoon other than old movies.

With that in mind, if you answered with anything more than “0”, I guess you can stop reading now. You won’t get the rest of this post. Stop reading! No seriously, we’re done here; we don’t need you ruining this post for the rest of us. If you are one of those that watched it (or any other movie) again on a long Saturday afternoon on commercial TV, you can keep reading, because, like me, you must have a lot of time to waste if you watch a movie that turns into a 7 hour mini-series with commercials.

Ok, I think the weirdoes are all gone.

I get it, The Sixth Sense is a good movie, but as everyone knows Bruce Willis is dead the whole time. That is the part of the movie that makes it so memorable. Oh sure Haley Joel Abdul-Rauf (sp?) is a great child actor in the film with the breath and everything, but c’mon, it’s the big twist at the end that got us all to say, “Wow!” The NBA Playoffs this year is just like watching the Sixth Sense more than once. You know the big ending, so really, what is the point?

Spoiler Alert: The Heat are going to win.
Not much of a spoiler if you’ve paid attention to the NBA at all in the past 2 years. Go ahead, spout off about how Marc Gasol and Z-Bo could dominate Joel Anthony and Chris Bosh. Yep, I hear ya saying that Wade isn’t 100%, good work. None of it matters unless Lebron James for the first time in his life actually shows himself to be at least a percentage human, and gets banged up. If that doesn’t happen, this thing was over before it started.
Then what is the point of watching unless you are Heat fan that needs a self-esteem boost? Is it watching Stephen Curry play like he is controlling himself in “Career Mode” in NBA 2k13? Sure fun and all, until Lebron smashes him and his face that looks like a 10 year old. Maybe you like seeing if SK Energy shots really help JR Smith? Maybe you like the flashy game of Tim Duncan? I know, you like to watch Marc Gasol and wonder if he really is the guy responsible for Natalee Halloway’s disappearance. The reality is, you’re watching a big competition to see who gets to come up short to the Heat.
Chicago poked the lion, and it wasn’t a good idea. Now nobody has a chance. Would I have given the playoffs a bit more of a watch had Russell Westbrook not been Tonya Hardinged? (Or would it be Nancy Kerriganed?) Sure, maybe I would have been slightly more interested, but then the Grizzlies probably would have still screwed that up.
I follow the NBA big brains on Twitter, and I honestly have felt bad for them during the playoffs. I’ve felt I had to force myself to watch some of the games, but I am yet to watch a full game and really can’t imagine myself watching a full game looking forward. These poor saps have to watch all of the games, trying to stay excited for each of them. Watching and tweeting as the clock passes midnight…every…night, watching and tweeting about games they know won’t matter.
How do they do it? They all know the Heat are going to win. Find me one NBA “expert” that will pick anyone other than the Heat with his left testicle on the line if they are wrong, you can’t do it! Well I suppose you could find a female expert who isn’t too worried about the punishment and is just taking the bet because she has nothing to lose.
Am I alone here?
The NCAA Tournament is different and this is why it is such a better fan experience, even if it is 100,000 times worse at crowning the actual best team consistently. Even if there is clearly a team above the rest of the field, you feel enticed to watch each game because on any given night, even the best teams can lose to a hot opponent. See the Heat vs. Bulls game 1 as a perfect example. Great win by the Bulls, fun stuff, talked about for about 24 hours. Put that same match up and result in the NCAA Tournament, it’s talked about for years to come. The significance of the single game in the NBA Playoffs is reduced so much when there is a clearly more talented team. The Heat responded to the Bulls effort by easily dispatching of them in the next four games. It was just…too…easy.
Maybe I lost my NBA imagination of “anything can happen” as a child. Maybe it was the year I poured my heart into the 1993 Phoenix Suns vs. Chicago Bulls Finals. I knew this Jordan guy was pretty much unbeatable, but I didn’t let it kill my hopes that the miraculous would happen. That Dan Majerle would lead the Suns (yes, Majerle over Barkley or KJ) to the victory over the Bulls. Reality be damned, I was convinced my guy and his team could get it done. I studied the box scores in the Star Tribune for hours, replaying the shots by Majerle over and over again in my head and replaying them literally in my driveway. Bombing threes like Majerle over imaginary Jordan for the win…only to dent the garage…and re-do it again and again until I got the imaginary result I wanted.
As you know the Bulls won. Reality won over my imagination. Reality is going to win again this year Spurs, Warriors, Grizzlies, Knicks, Pacers and NBA fans. Take it from the kid not with a broken heart, but with a good sense of reality. Go to bed earlier, skip the late games, hell, skip all the game unless you hear Lebron tore his ACL, then you can go back. Until that happens, go mow the lawn or something.

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